JOY in Thinking Out Loud

Everybody seems to love Ed Sheeran’s hit song that goes like the perfect music you hear and sing out loud when you go on a long long drive with the person you love –

“So honey now, take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of the thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I’m thinking out loud
Maybe we found love right where we are

When my hair’s all gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don’t remember my name
When my hands don’t play the strings the same way
I know you will still love me the same way”

And I sing away.

Wiping occasional tears and laughing as our little girl runs away each time I hit the high notes. It is a meaningless song but it makes me fall in love over and over. And I sing away some more as if finding a more beautiful way of saying thank you.

Thank you that after all these years, our friendship is solid and nothing like I have ever had before or will ever have in my lifetime.

Thank you that I still look forward to our long conversations and many shared meals.

Thank you that I am still crazy about you coming home from a long trip or just a day spent at work; and that I still cry whenever you have to leave and be away for more than a night.

Thank you that you still look at me like I am always beautiful; that look somehow never left you even after some of my years of ageing, some weeks of sneezing and fighting a nasty allergy; some hours of crying over some silly things; after some months of pregnancy and hours of painful labor pains; after some years of limited sleep and occasional homesickness; some moments of pain and loss.

Thank you that you still hold my hand so affectionately, so tenderly, that I always feel someone strong, true and faithful is always around, for me.

Thank you that you still hug me like it is our first time, and you hug me so much more when our days are not too easy.

Thank you that you still laugh with me the way you did many years ago when life was younger and a lot less complicated.

Thank you that everyday you remember my many dreams, appreciate my brave choices, and remind me that there is nothing wrong in dreaming the same old dreams.

Thank you that you always give me a reason to sing love songs, cry over some silly romantic movies, believe in a kind of love that stays and persists, to wish for a long long drive with you in a beautiful countryside, through endless conversations, about our everyday yesterday until our own forever.

It is not our anniversary and not your birthday. I am just spending this lazy afternoon nursing a really bad allergy attack “thinking out loud” and hoping it is loud enough for you to know that someone, after all these years, is still totally crazy about being with you.

“And, darling, I will be loving you ’til we’re 70
And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23
And I’m thinking ’bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day
And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I’m thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are”

Why we never grow tired of just talking and being around each other, I will never understand.

And these quiet moments of just drinking tea while our little girl is taking a nap, are just precious.

And I get flowers from you on ordinary days that the little girl thinks I am a queen, washing dishes.

While you were away on a business trip, I saw a printout of our wedding website that you kept in our special bag. You love beautifully like that.

And my heart is always filled with a deep kind of joy remembering the day you gave me this, and more.

JOY in praying for the grace to grow stronger

I love the way David prays.

In 1 Chronicles 29, he declared the greatness, power, glory, splendor of God. And he shouted that “wealth and honor come from the Lord.” Then he called on God’s strength that gives strength to all. And then he gave thanks. Everybody else started giving thanks.

We pray different prayers. And sometimes the hardest prayers to pray are those that we badly need to pray.

Today I prayed for that grace to grow stronger everyday. I want to grow in faith as I learn to really wait on Him. I want to grow in my love for Christ as I sometimes feel the urge to run away to other kinds of love. I want to grow in my everyday worship as I learn to surrender, no matter how slowly, how stubbornly. I want to grow in forgiveness that I may finally understand His relentless kind of love. I want to grow in wisdom that I may learn to choose well and even let go.

I want to grow the way a child learns to say a word, then a meaningful phrase and then a compelling story.

I want to grow the way a girl turns into a woman of remarkable grace and quiet strength.

I want to grow and be fascinated then gradually pulled into the echoes of inspiring stories of others as I bravely find my own stories that people will later remember.

I want to grow in the music of laughter, freedom, courage and lasting joy.

I want to grow singing, dancing, hopping, swimming, gliding and twirling in both moments of sunshine and gloom.

I want to grow in the lyrics of God’s beautiful promises and faithful presence at all times of need.

I want to grow in prayer, that I learn to love praying and to really love as I pray.

I want to grow in His peace, in His joy, in His ways.

I want to grow stronger even in my weaknesses and failings, in my doubts and many fears.

I want to grow and learn to give thanks, maybe just like David, even just a little bit like David.

This is from the book Big Bible Promises. I am this little girl praying to really grow.

JOY in leading like they do

“The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things. He is the one that gets the people to do the greatest things.” ― Ronald Reagan

So it is not the perfect boss, the perfect dad, the perfect preacher, the perfect husband that makes a good leader. It is the one whose agenda is to make you win and achieve things. It is the one who does not only teach, explain and demonstrate. But the one who stands to inspire because he knows you could be better and even greater. Such is a leader we all want to be around with and we aspire to be someday.

I will never forget the moments I was around ordinary people whose leadership pushed me to be better in so many ways.

1. When I was working as a project manager, I was assigned to join a group and help in resolving a very critical project. As I sat in the room waiting for the president of the organization to come in and resolve the bigger issues, I thought that it was easy to blame the consultants and the fellow who made the mistake. Just then the president arrived, did not resort to blame game, addressed the critical issues and said all the encouraging words. We were tired and did not want to redo the whole thing with a very limited time frame. But I learned that leaders don’t blame. They are bold in correcting mistakes. And they work harder than anybody else.

2. When I was working full time in Tokyo, my boss listened and observed the way I did an assessment with a potential client. I did my best and was actually happy with the turn out. But during my meeting with my boss immediately after that, he reprimanded me for not following the standards and the example he taught me earlier. I reasoned that I used a mix of strategies depending on the needs of the client. He insisted that I follow standards and set up another date for another evaluation. I felt horrible because I thought I was doing my best. But I did promise to try harder and told him that if he still thought I was not ready to do such things, he could always assign somebody else. So I was so shocked when he apologized the next meeting. He confessed that he personally thought my style was actually good, even great. He told me that as soon as he left the room on the day he reprimanded me, he saw the client in the lobby, very happy and the client even expressed his satisfaction with my performance. My boss apologized profusely for insisting his way. He even encouraged me to think out of the box the way I always do. That incident made me respect him so much that I would do anything for him. I learned that leaders know how to apologize and they do it so well. They stand by their mistakes and are not afraid to make others shine.

3. When I was working as a researcher in a notable research organization in the Philippines, I became a part of a small executive team that worked on a project funded by the World Bank. It was a high profile project on anti-corruption where I got to work with the President, Vice President and a brilliant consultant. I was the main researcher. One meeting, the president needed some data that he felt I failed to deliver. It was a critical set of data and we were beating a very tight deadline. I sat there, quietly berating myself for not being good enough. I am usually confident when making a presentation but with the President and the Vice-President around, I was quite uneasy. Then the consultant who I was closely working with spoke and told everyone that it was her mistake. She overlooked the data and forgot to tell me what I needed to do. We immediately worked on a plan to find and analyze the data. We left the meeting room soon after. She tapped me on the back and said, “not your fault.” I learned that leaders are willing to take the blame on behalf of those they lead, even if it is not entirely their fault. I worked so hard on that project and endlessly admired that consultant. I thought that someday I wanted to be like her.

4. When I was asked to be part of a small team that would plant a church in my hometown, I hesitated. It turned out that the moments I spent helping Doc Joey and Ate Tess in planting VCF-Pasig (I did nothing grand, just helped in any way I could), were nothing but grand teaching moments of how it is to really lead people to Christ. We wanted to reach the biggest high school in Asia that was in the area. Doc Joey, our head pastor who is also a doctor by profession kept reminding all of us about the value of discipleship. Discipleship was a totally big word for me. But he kept telling us in the Sunday services and in meetings. But what totally arrested my heart was when I saw him actually doing it. A professional doctor who could have been earning a lot of money, would spend his precious afternoon going to the high school, giving away his own money so he could help some of the students he was reaching out to, and actually loving them in every sense of the word. I learned that leaders do not just preach and tell, they live a life of love and integrity whether people are watching or not. The more I got closer to Doc Joey and his family (I would ride their car and spend time in their home), the more I learned that leaders who don’t genuinely love won’t be able to do so much. No wonder these two have raised leaders who are doing even greater things in different parts of the world. They were even the founders of a national foundation that Every Nation supports, the Real Life Foundation.

Someday, somehow I want to be like them. And so when l lead I remind myself the following truths:

I learned that GREAT LEADERS don’t blame. They are bold in correcting mistakes.

I learned that GREAT LEADERS know how to apologize and they do it so well. They stand by their mistakes and are not afraid to make others shine.

I learned that GREAT LEADERS are willing to take the blame on behalf of those they lead, even if it is not entirely their fault.

I learned that GREAT LEADERS do not just preach and tell, they live a life of love and integrity whether people are watching or not.

I pray that God will lead me to people who lead well and that I would inspire others to be better in so many ways. And there is always something precious to learn.

JOY in giving her a keepsake

One of the secrets of staying happily married (ok even couples who have just been married for six years have secrets to staying happy too) is giving her a souvenir. Always.

In Japan, the culture of “omiyage” is very important in social relationships. An “omiyage” is sometimes referred to as souvenirs. But unlike the latter, “omiyage” is bought to be given to others, like colleagues and family of the traveler. It typically consists of food items produced in the area the trip was taken in.

On the other hand Wikipedia defines a souvenir as:

“memento, keepsake, or token of remembrance; is an object a person acquires for the memories the owner associates with it. A souvenir can be any object that can be collected or purchased and transported home by the traveler as a memento of a visit. While there is no set minimum or maximum cost that one is required to adhere to when purchasing a souvenir, etiquette would suggest to keep it within a monetary amount that the receiver would not feel uncomfortable with when presented the souvenir. The object itself may have intrinsic value, or simply be a symbol of past experience. Without the owner’s input, the symbolic meaning is invisible and cannot be articulated.”

Blah blah blah. A souvenir is some thing that makes anyone happy because he or she feels that someone likes him/her, hence the gift. Each country has different souvenir cultures. In Japan, I buy sweets and snacks for colleagues and church mates when I travel. If you give them something more than that, you will make the receiver a little uncomfortable. They like small and beautiful things,specially food.

In the Philippines, my friends and loved ones won’t appreciate Japanese snacks that are beautifully packaged but would love Japanese chocolates. Even Green Tea Kitkat chocolates which we can buy in convenience stores are a sure favorite. My family loves receiving certain brands of perfume I buy in Kichijoji while I buy a few Japanese make-up and skin care products for sister-in-law and good girlfriends. It does not matter whether one has been living abroad for a long time or one just went on a short trip. Souvenirs are a must.

And so because we are a Filipino family living in Japan for many years now, we tend to switch from one souvenir culture to the next. We do it the Filipino way with our immediate families but have stopped buying too many for everyone. And we don’t give costly “omiyage” to colleagues. A box of Japanese snacks that costs less than ¥1,000 yen is often enough to make everyone even the president of Pido’s organization very happy.

But how does a souvenir culture strengthen marriage? I guess the answer is different for every couple. But for us, it makes us look forward to small things that make me think that he has been thinking about me. He travels a few times a year on business while I complain about not being able to travel much. We are putting traveling on hold as we are paying for “other stuff” that we find more important. So when he travels and sees a new place, he buys me a small thing to let me know that he is thinking of me and that he is always dreaming of taking me places some day. Then I complain less and he worries less. Good marriage happens.

He does not buy me expensive stuff. And I always prefer it that way. Some of the things he bought me that really made me smile were my favorite lipgloss, healthy products, and scarves that I have learned to love.

Last month he went to Chiang Mai, Thailand and told me it was a place he thought I would love. This Thai silk feels so good on my skin and the color is just perfect.

Last year, he went to Kenya and he kept taking pictures of anything because he knew it is a place I have always wanted to see. When Adana is older, we will take her to see a real safari. The little girl wants to see many African elephants. These scarves have details that I love. I have worn them so many times. They keep me comfortably warm too.

Sometimes he sees great deals in stores like Gap. Adana loves using these scarves to make butterfly wings.

These scarves are special because he bought me these when I was pregnant and have just given birth. I love my husband’s choices. He chooses those that will match most of my clothes and my skin color.

Pido used to work in a foundation in Palawan that employs local women as weavers. He even wrote a paper on women empowerment about that foundation which we both presented in the University of Hawaii when we were students. They make the most beautiful scarves made of pineapple fiber. These are my top favorites.

And he brought home a vegetarian cook book (I guess at an airport bookstore) as soon as he learned of my lofty dream of becoming a pesco vegetarian. He got me some organic flax seed too (Taiwan or Thailand, I don’t remember).

But the sweetest of all is when he got me this RMK lip gloss (the only RMK product that I regularly use) and I was surprised that he got the right shade. Any husband who buys you the perfect shade without his wife asking for it because he knows that you are running out of it, is the best husband in the universe. It strengthened our marriage big time. (-:

JOY in celebrating them

I have always observed (and have always been told) that Japanese are very modest that their birthdays are quietly celebrated, on their own as a regular day or with just their immediate families. And I admire their modesty in so many ways. You will never see the Japanese striving to flaunt what they have. A lot of those I have spent time with, use all the signature bags and clothes on ordinary days; they travel places; they eat the fanciest dinner; they drive the coolest cars; they hold executive positions. Yet they act and talk very modestly. They take public transport; embarrassed to talk about their wealth; and even almost hesitant to talk much about themselves. And while it may not be true for every Japanese as anyone would argue, generally they are some of the most modest people in the world.

I remember that one time we gave a surprise dinner party for one of our girlfriends. We treated her to a nice restaurant, gave our small gifts, and made the night all about her. Each one of us (all Japanese except me) said one thing we loved about her. We laughed and cried and talked, almost at the same time. We knew that we made her very happy that night. And on my way home, she sent me an email and said “Thank you for celebrating me. It is a big first and you all made me so happy.”

Something special happens when people celebrate you. Trust grows, love becomes stronger and a connection happens when someone takes the time to really celebrate your milestones. It makes you want to do the same for that person and to pay the acts of love forward to another. It makes you smile all day and really thank God for lifelong relationships and meaningful encounters. It makes you dream of being able to bring the same smile to another person someday.

So when I feel sad, I think of the many ways people have gone the extra mile to celebrate me. And that maybe an answer to many of my prayers comes in a different package. That if I would only choose to celebrate the real and more important things about other people, I would experience many littlegreatjoys.

We only need to keep looking for reasons to celebrate others. Visit a friend who has just given birth. Send a surprise gift to a friend slowly recovering in the hospital. Organize a party for your girlfriend who is getting married even while you have yet to move on from a painful break up. Cheer someone on who is living her dreams even while you seem to be living in rut. Appreciate someone who prioritizes his family over many other things. Hug that friend who has just gotten the promotion you badly wanted for yourself. Write a blog about a great leader. Tell a new and struggling first time mom that she is doing a great job. Call a friend who is excited about attending her first international conference. Congratulate your single mom girlfriend for the small and special things she does for her child. Or approach that first time preacher and tell him how you have been encouraged by what he said. Praise an old couple for raising beautiful children. Surprise a friend coming home after years of working abroad and bring flowers at the airport.Or just make a big deal about a person’s birthday.

Many times I fail to make others feel how much I appreciate them and their choices. Sometimes I do not care about their small victories because I am too preoccupied with my own battles. Sometimes I celebrate those that I find meaningful because they help or support my calling and my needs. And often I forget how much celebrating them can actually change lives and bring so much joy in my joyless days. Because when I celebrate their victories, it makes them feel that they matter. And that there is something I could do to make them smile.

How could something as simple as celebrating be so hard for me? I have a lot to learn.

When one is stuck indoors for weeks to avoid symptoms of extreme pollen allergy, one looks forward to days like the White Day. I am married to someone who knows how to celebrate me and the people he cares about.

And I got my White Day cheese cake. Life is pretty sweet.

JOY in dreaming old dreams

“I dream my painting and I paint my dream.” ― Vincent van Gogh

This ability to dream is a gift as much as it is a choice. I wish I remember exactly when I first started to dream. And while I am confused whether it is the dream that happens when I sleep or the kind that is akin to a wish or fervent prayer that I am talking about, I still wish I knew.

One afternoon, our little girl woke up from a rather long nap and excitedly told me about a story which I thought was her afternoon nap dream. She said that “her Tatay was working hard; little girl was sleeping and Nanay was happy. BUT there were dinosaurs, tigers and iguana in the kitchen.” I laughed so hard that almost offended her. She could not understand why I found it so funny. I thought she was referring to the dinosaur laundry, tiger dishes that needed washing; and little iguana chores that badly needed to be done right away.” It was a funny dream.

I love funny dreams. I love them because most dreams are too serious that they become dreadful. I still remember the kindergarten graduation where everyone is expected to tell the world what he/she wants to become. Who cares if honestly the kid does not care or even understand. It is shameful (at least for the teachers and the parents) for one to stand in his/her best graduation dress and not say anything clever. And it has to be something impressive. Apparently no one tells any pre-schooler that being a doctor is not the only best thing in the world. And that people will forget anything one would say, so just say something clever anyway. I think I said something about dreaming of becoming a flight attendant. I don’t recall any wild clapping. I thought I said something really witty because I was the only one who wanted to be a flight attendant. I must be special.

I did not end up being one but I ended up dreaming other dreams. I dreamed of being a lawyer. Perhaps I just dreamed of sounding intelligent and being well dressed and I could not think of anyone else smarter than a lawyer. Secretly I thought that if given the chance (i.e. Scholarship) and if I worked hard (zero love life), there was a small good chance of becoming a good one. Maybe life has a sweet but cruel way of making me dream the right dreams. I got a generous scholarship (“just choose any law school you want and tell us what you need”) from my high school that has a foundation that gives scholarship to a selected few. I did not even take the entrance test for law school and a small voice even doubted if I could pass it. I worked other jobs, teaching and advertising. And while I enjoyed teaching, it was not my dream. While advertising was surprisingly exciting and fun, I thought I was not good at it. So I dreamed other dreams.

I dreamed of theaters, of writing, of speaking, of coaching, and of being good at something. And when I started working as a researcher then as a project manager, I dreamed of being a consultant who travels the world, talks intelligently and dresses smartly. I think everybody plainly wants to be good at something and to feel good about it. Then I dreamed of being a student again, of flying but not as a flight attendant but as a researcher, writer and speaker rolled into one.

I did a little bit of those but like many who are still dreaming, there is that shame and despair that existed side by side with hope and faith. It screams and reminds my heart to believe that I might be able to do something I really want to do. I guess, the dreaming that we do of whatever kind is a necessary ride to really get us from one point to the next. The pauses and the many detours all make us better dreamers, even when the dream fails.

I am writing this as I flip from one dream to another – to live in another country; to write a novella for that online writing class that will start next month; to go back to some meaningful work but still be with the little girl most hours of the day; to live by the beach for a month; and to write well, really well.

And there is always the dream to speak intelligently, to dress well and because I am a little too old to dream of becoming a flight attendant, to have a waistline of a young, cheerful, Asian flight attendant.

Oh, old dreams.

Here is the younger version of that dreamer finding inspiration in beautiful Hakone.

JOY in reading King

I love reading fast. And I don’t like leaving books half read, or just almost done with. And there are books you want to be over with quickly because you just don’t like them that much. And there are those that make you want to know the ending soon. And there are those that are so so so good that you don’t ever want to finish reading.

I am jumping from one chapter of a book to another book these days. I don’t like it that way. But I don’t have the luxury of sitting somewhere nice and quiet to just read. I squeeze in small reading whenever I can. While the little girl is lost in her own world coloring or when it is taking forever for her to build a small sand castle that has a zoo and a tunnel. I read while boiling (or steaming) some sweet potatoes or when Adana decides to take a longer nap. Reading multiple books is my way of coping. Because if I were just reading one, I would feel bad having to put it down because something else (that is more important) needs to be done right away. I wish sweet potatoes take hours to cook and that Adana is building a more complicated sand 23-storey building right by the highway. Or that someone would magically do all the laundry and clean the house while the little girl sleeps. Just so I could read in peace for a very long time.

Right now I am reading Stephen King’s A Memoir of the Craft: On Writing. I am not done with it yet and I do not wish to finish. I am not surprised at all that this book would become my new favorite. But I am surprised that it is making me cry, in a very weird way. So weird I am not sure why I am in tears.

“But in my heart, I stayed ashamed. I kept hearing Miss Hisler asking why I wanted to waste my talent, why I wanted to waste my time, why I wanted to write junk.”

“Writing is not life, but I think that sometimes it can be a way back to life.”

“You cannot hope to sweep someone else away by the force of your writing until it has been done to you.”

“It starts with this: put your desk in the corner, and every time you sit down there to write, remind yourself why it isn’t in the middle of the room. Life isn’t a support system for art. It’s the other way around.”

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference. They don’t have to make speeches. Just believing is usually enough.”

“The scariest moment is always just before you start. After that, things can only get better.”

“Talent renders the whole idea of rehearsal meaningless; when you find something at which you are talented, you do it (whatever it is) until your fingers bleed or your eyes are ready to fall out of your head. Even when no one is listening (or reading or watching), every outing is a bravura performance, because you as the creator are happy. Perhaps even ecstatic.”

“Let me say it again: You must not come lightly to the blank page.”

“And I believe that most people smart enough to read a novel are also tactful enough to find a gentler mode of expression than “This sucks.” (Although most of us know that “I think this has a few problems” actually means “This sucks,” don’t we?)”

“Optimism is a perfectly legitimate response to failure.”

“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings – words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out.”

The Sakura artwork leads to a small room where the little girl takes a nap. I hope that my crying won’t wake her up.

JOY in living in quotes

I have been blogging for a few years now. And I cannot thank you enough for reading some of my insights on finding littlegreatjoys. Most of the blogs you have read were blogs written using my phone, while on a long train ride, while waiting for the bus, while breastfeeding, while waiting for the little girl to wake up from her afternoon nap. I am currently working on something a little more special and will let you know as soon as I am ready to share. In the mean time, let me share with you some of my favorite lines from our stories of finding littlegreatjoys.

JOY in experiencing Spring

“What a strange thing to be alive beneath cherry blossoms.”
― Kobayashi Issa, Poems

Everybody looks forward to spring in Japan. It is even an exciting thing for allergy sufferers like me because it means that pollens are beginning to wane in quantity. And most specially because of the magical weeklong blooming of cherry blossoms. The “Sakura” season stands out as one of the best times to be in Japan.

I never really understood the magic of sakura. Sure the flowers are nice and the picnics fun. But it took me a while to understand its impact on the lives of people living here. A few years later, as I walked in an unbelievably huge park filled with cherry blossom trees, I was blown away by its beauty. It is like seeing a dramatic sunset in Boracay but exquisitely different; like experiencing the piercing charm of standing infront of a full view of a snow capped mountain surrounded by a quiet lake. Sakura season presents Japan in its finest, so fresh and hopeful and truly promising. It is a must-see.

But to truly enjoy Sakura, one must not hurry like most tourists do. They snap pictures, spend more time on their phones, taking a video or sharing the photos online. Then they run to the next park and do the same. They grab a Sakura flavored ice cream and marvel at the Sakura themed bento (lunch) boxes. They spring from one spot to the next. And then they walk away.

The anticipation of the cherry blossom adds to the excitement. People are very careful in following the forecast, plan their week around it and make it a point to spend time with colleagues, family and friends. My most memorable hanami or picnics during the cherry blossom season are those spent with people I care about. I had gone out with colleagues in Showa Kin-en park, with church friends in Yoyogi and Shinjuku gyoen, enjoyed “yozakura” or hanami (picnic) at night near the Tokyo Tower with my Japanese girlfriends. It was crowded, absolutely tiring but crazy fun. And my top favorites are those I had with Pido. Our favorite places to see cherry blossoms are Inokashira park in Kichijoji and Koganei park near Higashi-Koganei. We go on a weekday to avoid the crowds and we take our time walking around sniffing spring as much as we could.

Sakura in Kichijoji’s Inokashira park

It can be really crowded.

Hanami with church friends a few years ago at Shinjuku Gyoen.

That spring I longed for a daughter.

Spring in Koganei Park. It is also our favorite place because it houses the very interesting Edo-Tokyo Open Air Architectural Museum

Who would have thought that Pido and I would be going around the park this year to enjoy spring, this time with our own little girl.

JOY in going home to Yokohama

We were in Yokohama along with all of our Every Nation churches from different parts of Japan, celebrating God’s goodness and faithfulness in this country. I sat at the back in the area designated for those with strollers and children, next to Pido and my very good friend Noriko. Going home to Yokohama is always a delight. It is like going home to many happy memories.

It was my first home away from home and that special place where all kinds of love and healing took place. In my article Finding love in Japan which was published on Rappler, Yokohama became my little secret place where I would retreat once or twice a week after just an hour and half of train ride from Odaiba; that special place where I really first fell in love with Japan, its people and its beautiful destiny. I overcame my fear of being really good friends with people whose first language is different from mine and who laugh about different things and act and think very differently from the way I do. I started longing to worship in a language other than English. And I began to slowly understand the journey of one Japanese finding her purpose, her place and answers to many of her secret questions about life. It was in Yokohama, that I became a visitor, then a spectator, then a friend, a sister, a co-laborer in Christ and part of a very loving spiritual family.

It was also where Pido first attended a Christian church in Japan while I was away on vacation; it was where he met Pastor James who did nothing but showed God’s love in the most practical and sincere way that Pido finally decided to completely follow Christ. It was where we were given a chance to serve, Pido in the music and ushering ministries, and I, in the kids church. It was where we met Pastor Glen and Linda who trusted us enough to include us in their team that planted a church in Tokyo. Yokohama will always bring happy memories. It will always speak of love and home and family whenever we think of Japan.

And even now that we live in a different prefecture, the bonds that tie us to that home will always be there. We will always be excited to see sisters and brothers we no longer see every week. We will always treasure the moments of friendship and family that played a big part in our spiritual walk and even in our marriage. We will never forget the grand teaching moments and the small encounters that made us believe so many good things about our lives and His purposes. We will always smile when we think of how, in the finest Japanese kind of love, we were accepted, loved completely and fondly referred as family and good friends.

And our memories of Yokohama will always include few but meaningful encounters with Pastor Scott. Through his many powerful and encouraging message of the gospel; through his sincere and generous acts of love; through the many gestures that bespoke strength and inspiration; through short but precious conversations that never fail to empower and communicate love when we need it most; through a quiet demeanor that showcases nothing but the love of Christ, passion for this country, a deep compassion for the lost and a faithful, fatherly kind of friendship.

He walks across the room, walking as the most important man having done so much for all of us who look up to him. But when he walks, either up that stage to preach or towards you to give you a tight hug and to tell you his usual language of love to those coming home “Okaerinasai” which means “welcome home,” you will see a man who knows nothing but to point everyone’s eyes to the grandness of the cross. He makes you feel that no matter how imperfect you are, God loves you and can use you. He does not say those things out loud but he acts around you and speaks towards you in a way that will make you feel that maybe, there really is something in you that God finds special. And you walk away feeling good, promising to serve God more and to love exactly the way you have been loved and accepted.

I will never forget that night I saw him on the train. It was the day that the wife of one of his pastors passed away. And he was on his way to the church to join us for the singles Christmas party. I saw him first and I did not bother to say hello and interrupt his quiet moment. I saw a man who was grieving, bravely fighting his tears and perhaps asking God so many questions. His steps were small and heavy; his gaze fixed on something he could only see. I said a quick hello as soon as we both got off the train and his somber face broke into one genuine smile. I let him walk alone because I knew he needed to walk alone and it felt awkward to walk alongside him.

That moment never left me. That moment changed me in a strange and bizarre way. That moment made me love this country as if it is my own. That moment made me want to serve God more, everyday, all my life with all I have, while I am here. That moment made me grieve for the things that hurt those who love this country. That moment made me really thank God for missionaries who came to Japan and spend many of their years for the sake of the gospel, even when fruits of their labor are scarce and many of their efforts remain unapplauded.

And many years later, riding the same train to Yokohama, that moment never fails to hold my heart in a very precarious way. And that day we visited Yokohama again, Pastor Scott hugged me and Pido, asked very briefly about our marriage and in his busyness even bothered to talk to our little girl. And to our big surprise, the little girl, looked at him in the eye and said something for the first time to another man besides Pido. “So much” Adana says out loud in response to Pastor Scott’s heartfelt “I love you, little girl.”

How can we not love going home to Yokohama?

The last time we visited our Every Nation church in Yokohama.

Our special day with people who loved us like family in a home away from home.