Joy in standing like a Miss Universe

Every Filipino and those who love Filipinos have probably heard and posted some cheers online after the country is crowned the new Miss Universe after 42 years of hoping, praying and struggling to be one. Pia Wurtzbach made three attempts before finally bagging the Miss-Universe Philippines crown. So her moment of winning this time around as Miss Universe 2015 is considered a precious gift by all those who love and support her.

 Photo credits: Rappler (does not belong to author) 

But her unique, non-traditional moment of finding out that truth on December 20th is totally for the books. Steve Harvey, the pageant’s host made a mistake and called Miss Colombia as the Miss Universe. It was awkward and sad for the whole world to witness a moment of a horrible mistake that has never happened before. Miss Philippines stood on one side while the reigning Miss Universe 2014, carefully took off the crown from Miss Colombia to be given to the real winner that night.
 
We could only wonder what they were actually feeling as the crowd roared either in joy or in confusion of what just happened. I watched the video and felt a snowball of emotions – proud of our own Miss Philippines as she represented a story of overcoming a series of defeats before finally reaching her dreams; proud of how Miss Colombia took the defeat with grace and managed to stand there without falling apart; proud of how Steve Harvey corrected his mistakes right away and made no excuses. It was a moment that made many proud while leaving others, as very angry. But it was also a moment that teaches us so many things of our own journey in a pageantry called everyday life.

 

 

When you know it takes more courage to say you are sorry. And then you walk away knowing things will never be the same again even after you tried doing the right thing.

   

Many bashed Steve Harvey. I don’t think people will easily forget his blunder. I am not sure about possible consequences of his actions both legally and career-wise. But the man did what he needed to do. His honest but obviously a horrible mistake, is hard to forget and for some, to forgive.

 
But aren’t we all just like him at one point or another in our lives? We make mistakes and before beating ourselves for being foolish, we stand right there, aware of what we are going to lose, but we choose to stand nonetheless. With a weakening disposition and terribly tempted to just run away, we stand and say we are sorry. Then we walk away, hoping to be forgiven, if not now, someday.

 
We have all made foolish mistakes. We have been bashed, hated and bullied, even online. And this breaks us. It will continue to break us until we find the peace to finally forgive ourselves and the humility to accept the consequences of our actions. Right in the very places where we feel messed up, is that glimmer of hope that we will be forgiven, and perhaps will be accepted and trusted again.

 

When you know that it takes more courage to stand and accept a defeat given in a way that you do not deserve. And then you stand there waiting to understand the many painful whys.

 
Many felt sorry for Miss Colombia. She did not deserve to go through all that. Losing the crown was already a heartbreak; making her believe that she was the winner when she actually isn’t is far more heartbreaking. And that brief moment when the crown, that was almost hers, was taken from her head, just to be given to another, is a story of one gracious defeat. We can only wonder what she felt at that moment.

 

  
But haven’t we all gone through our own Miss Colombia moment? We fight fair and hard. We do our part. We do what we think is right. We do what we have been trained and raised to do. We hope, pray and prepare like everybody else. But for one sweeping moment, we become a casualty of someone’s careless actions. We become a helpless victim of someone else’s sin. We do not deserve to be robbed of the real kind of joy. But it happens. And it happens to the best and most well meaning of us. And when it does, taking the higher road to humility and gracious exit, back to where we truly belong, is what sets us apart. This Miss Colombia moment, will either break or make us. I can only hope that Miss Colombia experiences her own kind of winning as she overcomes this with a Miss Universe kind of grace and bravery.

 

When after fighting to win so many times, you lose again and make a hard fall. And then you smile, fight back the tears and accept that despite long nights of hard work and fervent prayers, some things are just not meant for you.

  

 
Until your name is called.

 
“I apologize. Miss Universe 2015 is Philippines.”

 
Our dear Miss Philippines, you represent a story familiar to many of us. Your story of past gracious defeats, resilience that marks a truly empowered woman and your unique moment of winning set you above the rest. While we will never have your moments – that of stepping back after hearing about your defeat; the surprising twist of fate that left you beautifully stunned; your hesitant and heavy steps towards the place that was rightfully yours; and your humility as you stand regally next to Miss Colombia, never making a scene, waiting for your own crown to be given at the most perfect moment and finally being robbed of that precious first walk like all have done in the past. Miss Philippines, you make every Filipino proud.

 

 
This year’s Miss Universe is hard to forget because it is a narrative of our own stories of winning and losing; of fighting and choosing to no longer fight; of saying our apologies and choosing to forgive and forget; of standing bravely and then walking away quietly; of being suddenly noticed and of being completely forgotten; of being foolish then hated and being forgiven then loved all over again.

 
Perhaps, it is really not just about the crown, the glory and the name. Perhaps it is really about what becomes of us every step of our journey in each of our unique stories as we run after our dreams in this short, but hopefully meaningful life entrusted to us.

 
May we all shine like one truly deserving Miss Universe.

  

  

 

 

JOY in giving her a keepsake

One of the secrets of staying happily married (ok even couples who have just been married for six years have secrets to staying happy too) is giving her a souvenir. Always.

In Japan, the culture of “omiyage” is very important in social relationships. An “omiyage” is sometimes referred to as souvenirs. But unlike the latter, “omiyage” is bought to be given to others, like colleagues and family of the traveler. It typically consists of food items produced in the area the trip was taken in.

On the other hand Wikipedia defines a souvenir as:

“memento, keepsake, or token of remembrance; is an object a person acquires for the memories the owner associates with it. A souvenir can be any object that can be collected or purchased and transported home by the traveler as a memento of a visit. While there is no set minimum or maximum cost that one is required to adhere to when purchasing a souvenir, etiquette would suggest to keep it within a monetary amount that the receiver would not feel uncomfortable with when presented the souvenir. The object itself may have intrinsic value, or simply be a symbol of past experience. Without the owner’s input, the symbolic meaning is invisible and cannot be articulated.”

Blah blah blah. A souvenir is some thing that makes anyone happy because he or she feels that someone likes him/her, hence the gift. Each country has different souvenir cultures. In Japan, I buy sweets and snacks for colleagues and church mates when I travel. If you give them something more than that, you will make the receiver a little uncomfortable. They like small and beautiful things,specially food.

In the Philippines, my friends and loved ones won’t appreciate Japanese snacks that are beautifully packaged but would love Japanese chocolates. Even Green Tea Kitkat chocolates which we can buy in convenience stores are a sure favorite. My family loves receiving certain brands of perfume I buy in Kichijoji while I buy a few Japanese make-up and skin care products for sister-in-law and good girlfriends. It does not matter whether one has been living abroad for a long time or one just went on a short trip. Souvenirs are a must.

And so because we are a Filipino family living in Japan for many years now, we tend to switch from one souvenir culture to the next. We do it the Filipino way with our immediate families but have stopped buying too many for everyone. And we don’t give costly “omiyage” to colleagues. A box of Japanese snacks that costs less than ¥1,000 yen is often enough to make everyone even the president of Pido’s organization very happy.

But how does a souvenir culture strengthen marriage? I guess the answer is different for every couple. But for us, it makes us look forward to small things that make me think that he has been thinking about me. He travels a few times a year on business while I complain about not being able to travel much. We are putting traveling on hold as we are paying for “other stuff” that we find more important. So when he travels and sees a new place, he buys me a small thing to let me know that he is thinking of me and that he is always dreaming of taking me places some day. Then I complain less and he worries less. Good marriage happens.

He does not buy me expensive stuff. And I always prefer it that way. Some of the things he bought me that really made me smile were my favorite lipgloss, healthy products, and scarves that I have learned to love.

Last month he went to Chiang Mai, Thailand and told me it was a place he thought I would love. This Thai silk feels so good on my skin and the color is just perfect.

Last year, he went to Kenya and he kept taking pictures of anything because he knew it is a place I have always wanted to see. When Adana is older, we will take her to see a real safari. The little girl wants to see many African elephants. These scarves have details that I love. I have worn them so many times. They keep me comfortably warm too.

Sometimes he sees great deals in stores like Gap. Adana loves using these scarves to make butterfly wings.

These scarves are special because he bought me these when I was pregnant and have just given birth. I love my husband’s choices. He chooses those that will match most of my clothes and my skin color.

Pido used to work in a foundation in Palawan that employs local women as weavers. He even wrote a paper on women empowerment about that foundation which we both presented in the University of Hawaii when we were students. They make the most beautiful scarves made of pineapple fiber. These are my top favorites.

And he brought home a vegetarian cook book (I guess at an airport bookstore) as soon as he learned of my lofty dream of becoming a pesco vegetarian. He got me some organic flax seed too (Taiwan or Thailand, I don’t remember).

But the sweetest of all is when he got me this RMK lip gloss (the only RMK product that I regularly use) and I was surprised that he got the right shade. Any husband who buys you the perfect shade without his wife asking for it because he knows that you are running out of it, is the best husband in the universe. It strengthened our marriage big time. (-:

JOY in loving the Pope

“More difficult than loving God is letting ourselves be loved by him.”

“The Christian is not one who speaks about the poor, no! He is one who encounters them.”

“The thing the Church needs most today is the ability to heal wounds and to warm the hearts of the faithful.”

“Do not be afraid of failure. In the art of walking it is not falling that matters, but not “staying fallen.””

“I am asking you to rebel against this culture that sees…that you are incapable of true love.”

And because Pope Francis has landed on the world’s social media capital, #WelcomeToThePhilippinesPopeFrancis is trending worldwide. And I get to watch every single video on the internet. From the way he smiled like a child when his skull cap flew away and his garment covered his entire face; to the way he would kiss a newborn and many young children; to the affectionate hug he gave to Cardinal Tagle; the way he waved at all the Filipinos who chose to spend this very long weekend just to see him for very few seconds. Indeed, this Pope is well loved.

It is hard not to love him.

He has displayed and modeled love, unity and simplicity. He was very vocal about loving people and putting God first. I admired how he did not want his face on various billboards to welcome his arrival. I admired how he spoke so lovingly about other religions and groups who in the past were even critical of the Catholic beliefs and practices. I love the way he encourages the Catholics to honor that one God yet reminding them of loving and respecting people who believe otherwise. His heart breaks when people kill because of religion yet admonishes people from insulting those who did so in the name of their God. I love the way he smiles. It is so real, so fatherly, so kind. I love the way he uses words to evoke a more powerful message that all point us back to the love Jesus has been talking about – unconditional, non-judgmental and excessive. And when he speaks, a non-Catholic like me, would pause and waste my time to watch and wait. Because the message of such excessive love from a man who could have been doing other things given his power, influence and name in the world, is so precious.

That I would probably be one of those who would forego going on a vacation, just to watch him pass by.

That I would pray for his health, protection and safety from all harm.

That I would pray for my Catholic sisters and brothers to learn to put God first just as I am learning the same things everyday.

That I would let my daughter walk towards him for one precious kiss on the head.

That I would spend my time reading all his quotes to remind me of what God’s love truly is.

I think this Pope is well loved because he has loved much, in all excessive ways. And maybe because he has chosen a better path towards leading well. He leads by example, leads a simple life, and leads because of love.

How could anyone not hear a kind of love and leadership spoken so eloquently like that?

(All quotes by the Pope are from Rappler, http://www.rappler.com/specials/pope-francis-ph/quotes)

Help the Philippines

In this time of unimaginable grief, I guard my heart carefully lest I shun gestures of love expressed both awkwardly and beautifully. We can only imagine how much anguish and heartache the survivors have to endure. There is no telling what exactly it would take for a wounded nation like ours, to be better.

My heart will stop making sense of things. Instead, I will spot life-giving moments – the continuous exchange of love, the overflow of messages of hope, the image of a world that helps and reaches out, the echoes of prayer said in many different languages, often in sobs and fierce wailing, and that heroic disposition to build something new out of the rubbles.

I know that every Filipino, and anyone who has loved a Filipino will never be the same again after the storm.

JOY in listening to that other Voice

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that is not what ships are for.”
-William GT Shedd

And so like passengers of mighty ships that are meant for sailing we brave many long nights of unpredictable weather at sea and muster all we know about life and we sail away. We take new jobs, move to another city, take the risk of marrying and having children, embrace a new culture, invest in a new venture, meet new people, find new places to love and explore, eat exotic food, try dangerous things and enter new seasons.

I once was a part of a development project team that looked into the different ports of the Philippines. I have been to several ports, even examined the many interesting spots of a big ship, and interviewed executives of shipping lines and cargo handlers. It was one of the best times of my life as a researcher because the project made me travel a lot, made me meet very different kinds of people, made me learn the language of the sea and made me travel alone or with a group.

I loved that feeling of the ship slowly yet mightily pulling away from the port that was its home for some time, now being bellowed by the strong waves beneath. As the water went deeper and the ship cruised farther from the shore, I would lose control and all reason as I trusted the captain of my ship to bring me where I need to be. I think of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s perfect description of comparing the rushes of the tide and the rushes of inspiration that evoke a human spirit.

“The sea awoke at midnight from its sleep,
And round the pebbly beaches far and wide
I heard the first wave of the rising tide
Rush onward with uninterrupted sweep;
A voice out of the silence of the deep,
A sound mysteriously multiplied
As of a cataract from the mountain’s side,
Or roar of winds upon a wooded steep.
So comes to us at times, from the unknown
And inaccessible solitudes of being,
The rushing of the sea-tides of the soul;
And inspirations, that we deem our own,
Are some divine foreshadowing and foreseeing
Of things beyond our reason or control.”

I would sit there excited for new adventures, but I would also feel scared. “What if things do not work out? What if I fail? What if I succeed and still feel disappointed? What if nobody believes in me? What if I lose all I have now? What if I don’t get the chance to come back to home? What if I lose my sense of home? What if I get there and find nobody else waiting for me there? What if try and fail at trying? What if the most tragic thing happens and there is no one to help?

Don’t we all at some point find ourselves “rushing through the tides of our soul” and being in the game and right in the middle of our dreams, and equally feeling all doubtful and terrorized at the same time? How does one pound that gigantic “foreshadowing” that makes us run to the safest places and makes us awake all night figuring out what to do when disaster strikes? Or when our fear becomes reality? Or when the party music stops? Or when the world around us starts giving us reasons to be scared.

I hear about the warning levels at the Fukushima power plant releasing radioactive substances into the sea in its worst state since the tsunami in 2011 and I cringe in fear. I listen to that other voice that says:

” I am strong, courageous and firm; I fear not and am not in terror, for it is The Lord my God who goes with me; He will not fail me or forsake me.”
– Deuteronomy 31:6

I think about what to feed my family given that the radioactive substance may have reached the seas. I take note of how to be careful in choosing food and I listen to that other voice that says:

“I will not worry and be anxious, saying, What am I going to eat? or What am I going to drink?…but I will seek first of all His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things taken together will be given to me.”
-Matthew 6:31,33

I think about the struggles of Adana growing up as third culture kid and I reason that she may have a hard time making friends and might feel lost being a Filipino in a different culture. I listen to that other voice that sounded like an assurance and answer to my prayers.

“I will give you and your daughter that amazing ability to make friends and forge deep relationships with the people I will send your way.”

I think about serving God here where we have been living for many years and wonder if we are effective or if we are actually in the right place. I listen to that other voice that says:

“My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is steadfast and confident. I will sing and make a melody (right here where I am, I will honor you and be available to make others followers of Christ). -Psalm 57:7

I think of my husband traveling a lot these days and I am left home with a toddler. The images of massive earthquake and just about anything haunt me. I listen to that other voice that says:

“God will cover me in His wings; I will be safe in His care; His faithfulness will protect and defend me. I need not fear any dangers at night or sudden attacks during the day.” -Psalm 91:4-5

I think of many other things that both excite and scare the best and worst in me. I lose my joy when I fail to listen to the other better, greater voice that is not my own. I often pause and seek that voice when I am too busy or too preoccupied to listen or when I am too stubborn to believe. I seek that voice wherever I go, and wherever I am because that is my only choice if I am to live this life with joy.

A ship that stays in the harbor for long stops functioning as a ship. It becomes a museum or a restaurant or a floating library or shop. A ship like that is a lonely sight. Our life like a brave ship is meant to sail. There are horrors awaiting us at sea and these terrors are real. But the joy of sailing anyway despite that fear far outweighs the treasures we are afraid to lose. Yes, life could be scary and sad, but if we sail anyway and trust anyway, and believe anyway, and worship God anyway, we will know that regardless of our circumstances right now “the Lord is the refuge and stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?”

JOY in putting up a strange Christmas tree

Every Filipino in this universe would love to go home during the Christmas season.

It is the most festive time of the year. Sometimes I wonder what makes Christmas very special there. All year round, children and adults look forward to Christmas carols, 3-day midnight sale at department stores, Christmas parties that start as early as December 1st, bonding with family and friends as we visit night markets and “tiangge,” movie marathon of Filipino movies (the time of the year that only Filipino movies are shown happen only in December), generous exchange gifts anywhere with almost everybody we know, get together with relatives and schoolmates, that high and mighty Christmas bonus, office hours spent preparing for a presentation for Christmas parties (instead of meeting clients), the non-stop Christmas shopping, amazing events at church and fun activities with our small groups, restaurant hopping, early morning prayer meetings and special breakfast as early as 5 am, and even that amazing experience of being able to spend the holidays by the beach with people we love.

Sometimes the longing is just too much to bear. It does not matter how long one has been living away from home. It does not matter how beautiful our new home is. It does not matter how we can finally and truly enjoy a “white Christmas.” It does not matter whether great and exciting activities similar to those in the Philippines could also happen elsewhere. There are just some things that could never be replaced or replicated. It just got to be done there.

Yes, that kind of Christmas could only be special there.

But when one thinks of the true kind of Christmas, the one that is focused on Christ, His love, the cross he had to be bear so we could be forgiven in order to live a free, full and meaningful life, we just know that Christmas is special anywhere.

We can sing Christmas carols where we are. It will be just as special.

We can celebrate with new friends and those we consider almost-family. It is amazing to find love in our new relationships.

We can still look forward to receiving and giving away gifts. Just don’t forget that love is the best gift of all.

We can still get lost in the festivities of the season. Just remember that Christmas is beautiful because of Christ.

This week, our family decided to put up the tree. Filipinos put up their trees way ahead of the rest of the world. While we are not yet sure where we would be spending the holidays, we are looking forward to our family Christmas traditions. There will be reading of Christmas stories to teach the little girl (and to remind ourselves) about the Christ of the season. This year we will be making a “parol” or lantern similar to what Pido and I used to make in school. There will be singing of Filipino carols and all-time favorite Christmas classics like Joy to the World, Holy Night, etc. There will be our special Christmas brunch. There will be writing of things to be grateful about. There will be joyful sharing of food and gifts with friends.

And even while we have a strange tree, where all the ornaments are placed high, beyond the reach of one excited toddler in the house, we just know that this Christmas is already special. It will always be. It has always been.

The Christ of the season makes it so.

Merry Christmas, dear November!

JOY in spotting the free things in life

In Japan, it could mean a free entrance to an exhibit of paintings in the neighborhood or the chance to enjoy a patch of beautiful flowers in the spring. It could be the sight of fruit trees – apples, persimmon, oranges or the small and big parks here and there. It could be the joy of jogging in a safe neighborhood even at midnight or free tissues given everywhere. It could be the fireworks that paint the sky in summer and the snow that covers the streets in the cold. It could be the work of art in Shibuya or the massive expression of pop culture in the cities. It could be the free vaccines and medication for children or that access to community libraries. It could be the kindness of the well- mannered locals or the trains and buses following the schedule, almost always.

In my hometown in the Philippines, it could mean a sincere “hi and how are you” even from strangers or a big welcome to one’s neighbor’s home. It could mean long hours spent in the cafe with a friend or a big hug from family and friends. It could be a helping hand in times of flood or numerous invitations to Christmas parties. It could be the sight of people talking out loud or singing joyfully or the sound of Christmas carols as early as October. It could mean the comfort of shopping malls and the beauty of white sand and sunsets. It could be the sight of little children running or the sound of a very familiar and comforting language.

We find joy in learning to see the good things wherever we go. And while it is easier to keep remembering what we used to have, it is such a waste to see another part of the world and miss its unique gifts.

When I miss so many wonderful things about my home, I remind myself that our home should not be in a single place. Where I am is a beautiful home. I will seek new joys and new love right here, right now.